Why?????

I have never been this mad at my dad.
He is being a control freak and trying to control my life. And when i tell him he can't he flips out... and makes me feel horrible and like a horrible daughter.
Sometimes i wish things that i want to come true. sometimes i wish he was dead then it will be all okay but then i can live my life the way i want to. but then i know that i should love him the way Jesus loves him and then i am not mad at him.
Sometimes i wish that there was a way to escape all of this. I am physically unable to be free of this. I have no where to go and i don't know how to live on my own. I don't know how people who cut stand the pain. i tried once and it hurt too much and i couldn't continue.
And the other thing is, i can't kill myself because of all the people outsside of my family that love me.
So what im trying to say (not sure if i was successful in getting it across) but if there is anyone in your life that is like my dad then you know that there is people out there going through the same thing. and also know that i am praying for you and i hope you know that.

That was me venting. thanks for listening (or reading).
Thanks.